Some jokes to pass the time

Here are some sentences as typed by medical secretaries at the National Health Service, Glasgow, sent to me by my dear friend Carol in Scotland. A few of these sentences have been modified slightly by Stephen to fit my situation.

1. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
2. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
4. On the second day the hip was better and on the third day it disappeared.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
6. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me.
7. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
8. Healthy appearing 52-year old female, mentally alert, but forgetful.
9. She is numb from her toes down.
10. While in the hospital, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
11. The skin was moist and dry.
12. Occasional, constant infrequent nausea.
13. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
14. She stated that she had been constipated until her husband left the room.
15. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
16. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
17. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
18. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
19. The bone marrow biopsy will be done later on the floor.
20. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
21. Patient has three teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
22. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
23. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
24. She slipped on the floor and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early November.
25. Patient was seen in consultation by her doctor, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.